My birthday is this month. My quarter centennial is approaching. While driving today I realized that life has lost its color. Sometimes I feel like I'm just walking through it without doing much. Vanilla: from the outside, people always tell me WOW! you completed 3 majors at UChicago nonetheless—you started a cool business—you're working on so many art projects. I can tell you from the inside that it very much is a scam. It all boils down to feelings, doesn't it? If it doesn't feel real to me, is it real? I always struggle with the issue of 'reality.' Is the image the reality, is the taste the reality, or is the belief the true reality? A typical ontological problem. Truth is subjective. Right now, my truth is that I'm moving through life making gestures without leaving marks. I'm not even an image-maker anymore. Happy 25th to me.
Last night we went to Palette SF and talked to master sommelier Jeremiah. He kinda looked like Ori and knew so much about wine. We also tried some expensive whiskies at the gallery bar next door. Maybe Ori will become a master sommelier...
While getting a massage today, I wondered a masseur would think about...do people just think about what to eat or what to do for fun? Sometimes I drive myself crazy with overanalyzing and criticizing the macroscopic picture. What's next in life? There must be something at the next level right? In high school, I was just herded to work towards this goal of attending an elite college. I did that. Then in college, I needed to be in the "selective" studio track. I did that. I simultaneously worked on a million other things. Now what? Post-college mid-pandemic I am going into a full-blown quarter-life crisis. I don't have a great job...am I supposed to make a million dollars? What am I supposed to do? I just want to think about what to eat.
I just got back from Chicago and I was almost convinced. I think 2021 has kinda been shitty in the Bay Area. Everywhere else seems more fun. Even Chicago. On a more exciting note, my friend just bought her first place in Boystown. We celebrated that and her friend’s fucking a co-worker by going to the local watering hole. Almost didn’t make it to the airport per usual. I watched never have I ever s2 on my flight back. So cringe. She literally makes the wrong decision every time. I don’t think I could be that idiotic even if I tried. One hood thing about the show was that I distracted myself from my hunger so I only ate the mini bag of pretzels and the mini water. Which reminds me, I saw the Paris Hilton meme ad for nano water. Almost a jen an smartwater which is now repped by gal gadot. I’ve since switched to gerolsteiner.
Last month, Juhi convinced me to get into old fashioneds because its what rich old ppl like. Ever since, I've been trying to drink more hard core drinks. I used to really enjoy espresso, but it aggravates my gagging probably because it is quite acidic. Now, I mix a tiny bit of brown sugar in. It's kinda like an old fashioned but with espresso instead of whiskey. I like this idea of forcing myself to like something because its like training for a marathon. Instead im just imbibing things that may or may not be good for me. At this point, alcohol and caffeine are just accomplices to fun-ness. Show me a good time!
I was steaming oat milk this morning for my oat milk latte when I thought about how humans just love to add stuff to water. Are we just so bored by clarity that we need to adulterate it with organic compounds? Is this also the logic behind self-sabotage?
Instead of selecting options for fancy Mercedes models, I've been kitting out cargo vans on mbvans.com. Apparently, climate control is not a standard feature. I can't decide between having the "auto" button or saving $632. My parents never use climate control the way it's intended. My mom sets the AC to "Lo" and then cranks the fan to zero and my dad sets the temp to 80 and turns the fan way up for like 3 mins and then turns it off...there's something called auto...
I finally got vaccinated! What an exciting time to be alive.
Last night I was listening to Contra by Vampire Weekends. Halfway through I realized that the album art on the record cover was not right. Since I bought the LP from eBay I thought that it was just a scammy fake, but it turns out that I had purchased Vampire Weekend by Vampire Weekend instead. So for 2 weeks I just thought that I was listening to Contra without realizing it. Now thinking back, I never did get to hear the titular track. I ordered Contra from Target.
With the the renewed lockdown mandate and the 10pm curfew, I've been thinking about martial law. My parents grew up in a time when Taiwan was under martial law, so they had curfews every night for decades. I didn't really have a curfew in high school—not until I moved home after graduating from college!
Yesterday, I had to rush to finish packing noodles, and there was only 4 minutes left before I had to drive home from the warehouse! I made 5 packs per minute. Slower than my typing speed, but not bad at all. I saw someone get ticketed (presumably for speeding down the hill) on my way home. I made it back at 9:58pm.
I caught a glimpse of the new section of the Bay Bridge when I was driving over the San Mateo-Hayward Bridge. It seems somewhat funny to me that some people decided it would a great place to build a massive metropolitan area around a geographic inconvenience. To get around the Bay, you need to drive to one of the bridges to get to the other side. From Cupertino, there isn't a direct route to Oakland. Either I have to head south and the back North on 880, or I can take 280 up and cross the Bay Bridge.
New York City is similarly inconvenient. A few of the boroughs are literally on different chunks of land. Manhattan <-> Brooklyn <-> Bronx <-> Queens <-> Staten Island... Who do we have to blame? I guess the first "urban" settlement was New Amsterdam, so we have the Dutch to blame.
However, let's take a look at Los Angeles—a contiguous piece of land. Somehow we managed to make transit and traffic much worse. I think that makes sense given the car-based lifestyle of Californians. When I was thinking about getting to Oakland, I was thinking about it in terms of "driving." There is no practical way to use public transit to get across the Bay. Los Angeles should have better transit infrastructure given how much easier it is to build on land that on water...
Somehow, New York managed to connect all their disparate boroughs with a janky, but functional, subway system. I don't enjoy their buses, but it gets you places when you need it. I still remember eating crunchy finger grapes at the back of a bus that looked like it was a remnant of the 80s. It was almost 100 degrees and I had just left Coney Island. It was quite cinematic—in a rusty, smoggy way.
I discovered this pig couch today. I like how it's made from velvet—very smooth and soft unlike a real pig. They have these bristles that make for durable brushes. That reminds me of a video I found on TikTok of a pig shedding its hairs. It turned into a bald pig for the summer.
Today, I drank half a bottle of champagne. I wasn't celebrating. I was simply consuming because I can and I want to. America is the land of consumerism, so I will gladly partake while I still can. Have you ever thought about how alcohol denatures proteins? Our DNA strands are probably being fried with each shot of Vodka.I learned via TikTok that tequila is one of the healthier liquors, so I think I will be switching to that...
I've been thinking about work a lot recently. Apparently, I am an entrepreneur—a word I very much dislike. It makes me feel like a dilettante. Anyway, I've been considering getting a job because I need money. Isn't it wondrous how we are in this giant rat race to accumulate enough capital to do what we actually love? Speaking of which, I was tutoring some kids on this SAT passage about "doing what you love", and the passage aptly pointed out that such mentality is privileged because some people really can't do what they love. It makes sense to me. In capitalism, someone has to do the serving. I'm just going to hop on the hamster wheel and run as quickly as I can so that I can take a break in 40 years and *maybe* sip on sparkling wine because I can't afford the real shit.
iPhone 12 Pro
Leading a more cinematic life...